


Grieves of a Pained Heart

by sigynwrites_13



Category: Crimson Peak (2015)
Genre: Crimson Peak, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of Death, Multi Chapter, One Shot, Requested, crimson peak au, thomas sharpe - Freeform, thomas sharpe x reader - Freeform, thomas sharpe x you, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-12-26 15:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18285047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigynwrites_13/pseuds/sigynwrites_13
Summary: Based on this request: Hi.you write very well! May ask for single Thomas Sharpe like that x reader, in which Lucille says that the reader and his daughter died,, Thomas mourns but realises that his family lives and that destroying them was Lucille's plan. Excuse me if long. Thank you very much.





	1. i. grief

**Author's Note:**

> originally this was going to be a oneshot but it ended up being super long so i divided it in three parts. if u have any requests you can always send them in :) i hope you enjoy it, feedback is welcome!

Staring at the empty space before him, Thomas sits in silence, tears falling from his eyes.

He exhales a shaky breath and closes his eyes trying to, somehow, erase the pain that’s making his heart constrict against his ribcage. He still doesn’t know what happened. One moment you were there, reading your book with your daughter, Pauline, sitting on your legs as you watched him work in the attic and the next one both of you were being buried.

Thomas didn’t sleep for a week. He would refuse to leave your side and would only obligue when you told him to take a bath or have something to eat. He shakes his head as he remembers your voice chastising him.

Standing up, he moves to the wardrobe sitting on the corner of your shared bedroom, well,  _his_  bedroom.

As he searches for his coat, he comes across one of your favorite dresses and he can’t help the pain from spreading all over his body again. It’s the dress you wore the day before you fell ill and he would remember that day for the rest of his days.

_You woke up and immediately felt the weight of Thomas’ arms around you. Closing your eyes again, you relished on the feeling. After some minutes, you turned on your side so you could face him properly. You traced your fingertips on his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin under your touch. He began to move in his sleep and a second later he slowly began to open his eyes, dark eyelashes fanning over his pale skin._

_With a groan, he brought you closer to his chest and kissed your forehead. “Morning, darling.”_

_His voice was laced with sleep, making it deeper. You smiled and kissed him on the cheek._

_“Good morning, my love. Did you sleep well?”_

_Thomas nodded his head as he closed his eyes, close to falling asleep again. Noticing this, you kissed his nose and he scrunched it in return._

_“We are running late.” Tracing your fingers through his hair, you tried to catch his attention. “We should be dressing Pauline by now.”_

_He groaned again and turned around, laying flat on his stomach and you underneath him._

_“Do we really have to?” His voice was muffled by the pillow and you tried to pry him away from you._

_Suddenly, the door of your bedroom opened and you could hear feet padding on the wooden floor. Then, you felt another weight on top of you and this time both you and Thomas groaned._

_“Rise and shine butterflies!”_

_Your daughter screamed at the top of her lungs while ripping the covers that were previously covering you._

_“Sweetie it’s too early for this. Let mom and dad sleep a bit more, alright?” Thomas spoke, trying to reason with your daughter._

_She frowned and shook her head. “Aunt Lucille told me to wake you up. We are late for church.”_

_Thomas looked at you and you shrugged your shoulders in response. Your opinion on Lucille was complicated, you had never been a fan of her but she didn’t interfere with your life and neither did you with hers._

_He stood up and lifted your daughter from the bed and placed her back on the floor. He instructed her to go get dressed while mom and dad got ready. She obeyed, quickly leaving the room, not without giving you a peck on the cheek before leaving._

_You began to dress yourself, picking the pale yellow dress Thomas bought you in one of his trips to the nearest town. Once you were dressed, you placed your hair in a braid and applied powder. You could see Thomas getting ready thanks to the mirror, he noticed your stare and looked up, smiling at you once he caught your eyes._

_You told him you’d go downstairs to prepare a quick breakfast as he finished getting ready. Making your way towards the kitchen, you heard the sound of cupboards opening and closing and a boiling kettle._

_Stepping in, you saw Lucille placing the food–scrambled eggs–on the plates. Noticing your presence, she briefly looked up at you and sighed._

_“I thought you’d never wake up.”_

_You walked around the table, going for the boiling kettle, which was suddenly snatched from your hands._

_“I’ll do it. Sit and eat.”_

_You only looked at her and said nothing. You knew better than to get on Lucille’s bad side this early._

_She poured a cup of tea for you and placed it next to you. Before you could say something, Pauline stepped into the room, skipping in her lilac dress, but once she saw her aunt she halted her movements._

_With a neutral voice she greeted her aunt. “Good morning, Lady Lucille.”_

_Since day one, Lucille refused to be called ‘aunt’ by your daughter, stating that she was a Lady. Your daughter obviously noticed the harsh stares Lucille sent to the both of you and always changed her natural chirpy self to a serious one around her._

_Lucille nodded and continued pouring the food in the plates._

_As you told Pauline to eat her food, Thomas appeared at the doorway and cleared his throat._

_“We are late. We should get going.”_

_His eyes never left Lucille’s, as if daring her to stop them. It was well know she didn’t like it when you left the house._

_You drowned your tea and lifted Pauline from her seat, quietly thanking Lucille for the food and leaving the kitchen as fast as you could. Once you were in the carriage, Thomas grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on your knuckles._

_“I love you, darling.”_

_With those words he made you forget about the awkward breakfast. It all seemed worth it if this was your reward for each time you had to put up with his sister._

_“And I you, my dear.”_

Thesudden touch of a cold hand on Thomas’ cheek brought him back to reality.

Lucille stood right beside him with a stoic face. “There was nothing you could do.”

He looks at her and a wave of displeasure washes over him. Without a word, he fetches his coat and leaves the room, wanting to escape the suffocating presence of his sister.

There is only one place where he can be left alone, no disturbing gazes from Lucille and no memories of his family.

The town.

*     *     *     *

Thomas finds himself walking aimlessly, hands in his pockets and gaze on the ground.

It has been around an hour since he left Allerdale Hall and he has no desire to go back anytime soon. As he keeps walking he comes across a bookstore. Naturally, he is drawn to it but he soon realizes his mistake when he notices your favourite book displayed on the store’s shopfront. He is quickly reminded of his broken family, again.

_You had just arrived back from church. It was a tradition that every Sunday Thomas, Pauline and you spent the whole day together and that day was not the exception._

_Climbing up the steps, you made your way to Thomas’ workshop. You were carrying tea and biscuits and once you reached the room you placed them on the table beside the window. Your daughter was already sitting on the big chair, busy with a book while Thomas stayed concentrated in whatever he was carving now._

_“Mr. Sharpe.” You slowly walked until you stood behind him, hands on his shoulders. Your tone was teasing, you wanted to catch his attention. “Would you care to pay attention to your wife and child?”_

_He looked at you over his shoulder as he heard you call his name but when you asked for his attention he turned around on his chair. He looked up at you, blue eyes meeting yours as his hands rested on your waist._

_“You’ve got all my attention, Mrs. Sharpe.”_

_You couldn’t help but smile at him, his words making you warm and giddy. You have been married for years and you still felt tingles run all over your body when you heard the title._

_“Good.”_

_Bending down, you captured his lips with yours in a sweet kiss. He squeezed your sides as he felt you sigh, taking it as his chance to deepen it. Your lower lip got captured by his lips and you felt him tug it softly. Before it could develop into something more, you separated yourself from his lips, his heavy breaths fanning over your mouth. With a bright smile Thomas kissed you once more._

_“I love you so much.”_

_He whispered the words as his lips still grazed over yours. You said it back and before you could peck his lips again you heard your daughter whining behind you._

_“Mom! Can you read it to me?” Lifting the book, Pauline pouted at you._

_Thomas chuckled and lifted his brows at you. “Duty calls.”_

_Rolling your eyes, you stood up and gave him a mocking smile before making your way to the chair. You lifted Pauline form her spot and sat down, placing her on your lap._

_“Alright, pumpkin.” She giggled at your nickname and cuddled your side, resting her face on your shoulder. “Let’s– Hey! What are you doing with my book?.”_

_Looking at the cover of the book, you noticed that she was handing you your favourite one. It wasn’t that you didn’t want her to have it, it just caught you off guard, expecting her to hand you one of her own books._

_Pauline looked at you with fear in her eyes but when she saw your smile she relaxed. “It’s your favourite, mother.”_

_You stared at her and noticed the admiration in her eyes. She had always wanted to copy you in whatever she could, you were her hero, just like Thomas; so it warmed your heart that she wanted to read it because of you._

_“Yes, it is. Are you sure you want me to read this one?”_

_She nodded effusively and you heard your husband’s laugh. He had been watching the whole scene in silence, a gentle smile on his lips as he watched his favourite girls._

_You looked at him briefly and sent a smile on his way before turning back to your daughter. “Very well.” Opening the book, you began to read out loud. “Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away…”_

_Pauline got immediately lost in the story and so did you. Thomas seized the moment to gaze at you, study your face. He watched how your lips moved as you spoke and the curious eyes of your daughter as she heard the tales. It was mesmerizing and he couldn’t be more grateful for having the both of you in his life._

Thomas felt his shoulder bump with something hard.

Looking behind him, he saw an old man hurrying down the street and not even bothering to look back.

He sighs in defeat realizing he has been daydreaming again. There is no way to escape the memories of his late family and the exhaustion is beginning to catch up on him.

He knows time heals the wounds of the heart but, at this rate, he’s not sure he will ever heal, at all.


	2. ii. pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this request: Hi.you write very well! May ask for single Thomas Sharpe like that x reader, in which Lucille says that the reader and his daughter died,, Thomas mourns but realises that his family lives and that destroying them was Lucille's plan. Excuse me if long. Thank you very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 is heeere, hope you guys enjoy it :)

Entering his room, Thomas breathes out a sigh and feels the weight of his pain fall on his body.

The trip to the town was unsuccessful, only adding more to his grief. Once he came back home, all he wanted to do was lie on his bed and sleep, but it never happened.

Already on his night wear, he walks towards his bed and stops to admire a little trinket he carved for Pauline years ago. As he plays with it, he accidentally lets it slip from his grasp and falls, rolling on the floor until it disappears under the bed. Thomas groans and rubs his hand on his face before kneeling down to fetch the toy. He pats the floor with his hand, trying to feel the wooden piece but he’s caught off guard when he feels a solid surface against his touch. Frowning, he reaches out for the square shaped surface and pulls it out.

A metallic box sits on his hands.

It has no inscription nor a name, so he wonders what it might be and how long has it been under his bed. He opens it and he’s surprised to see one letter sitting inside the box. His curiosity takes a hold of him and he immediately grabs it. Flipping the envelope around, he finds his name written in a neat and  _very_  familiar handwriting.

His heart begins to pound on his chest and sweat forms on his hands. What is this?

With shaking hands, Thomas rips the seal open and runs his eyes across the letter, drinking in all the information written on it. He can’t believe what he sees and suddenly, he’s flooded with a sense of panic and desperation.

His strides are long as he makes his way to fetch his coat again and leave the house. There is something he has to see with his own eyes and it certainly cannot wait.

> _Dear Thomas._
> 
> _Oh, how it pains me to write this but know that the last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt. You will forever be the love of my life and I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to have a daughter with you, our precious Pauline. You know I’d do anything for her, so I hope you understand why I had to do it._

He’s running, quickly grabbing the horse from the carriage and riding it. The cold wind blows against his face, drying the few tears that managed to scape his eyes. Thomas’ heart beats at the same rhythm of the galloping of the animal, his breaths are fast and shallow.

> _The moment I realized Lucille had poisoned us I knew that this was not a game anymore. She wanted us gone and there is no way I’d let her hurt our daughter. She offered us two options: leave and never come back or die._

As the outline of the town comes into view, Thomas tightens his grip on the reigns and pulls, forcing the animal to go faster.

> _Choosing the first option guaranteed us the survival of Pauline. The answer seemed easy but trust me, it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done._

Following the instructions on the letter, he gallops across the small town, causing many pedestrians to escape from being run over by him. He is aware that he probably looks like a mad man but he can’t bring himself to care anymore.

> _Lucille claimed that we only had a few days before the poison would kill us, so I had to act quickly. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but if you ever find any in your heart, please know that I will always hate the fact that our time together was cut short. It’s not fair to anyone, but mostly, it’s not fair to you._

Soon enough, he finds it. He quickly dismounts himself from the horse and with long strides reaches the front door but once he’s in front of it he hesitates. What if he was growing mad? What if this was all a dream? He couldn’t bare it. He is afraid of knocking and not seeing you on the other side of the threshold.

But what else can he loose? His family is gone and there’s nothing left for him.

Thinking better of it, he begins to knock harshly on the door and he waits. But only a second passes before he’s knocking again. He can hear the blood flowing on his ears, making him go deaf, but he doesn’t care. His whole life depends on this very moment.

> _If your ever find this letter_ **_please_ ** _, come find us. Here is the address and please be careful, my love. I will always love you._
> 
> _Forever yours, your wife._

The door opens with a squeak and you stand there, curious as to who’s knocking. No one knows you’re here, unless–

Your eyes come face to face with Thomas’ blue ones. He’s looking disheveled with his cheeks flushed and wide eyes. You see his crystal clear eyes turn glassy and you can’t help the gasp that escapes your mouth. He’s here.

Grabbing him by his forearm, you drag him inside and look around before closing the door. He can’t ignore the electrifying feeling of your touch. This has to be a dream. Once you’re back at his side you see him staring off into space, still trying to make sense out of this. You try to reach out to him but think better of it and drop your hand.

You take a deep breath, trying to find courage to be the one who speaks first. “Thomas–“

“Don’t.”

He harshly interrupts you and you being to panic. He’s livid, you can see it in his eyes.

He keeps avoiding your gaze and as you’re about to speak again a loud thump catches his attention. Turning his head at you, his eyes widen and the question is clear on his face.

“She’s here?” He whispers so lowly that you almost miss it.

Your heart constricts at the thought of what he might be feeling right now. There’s nothing else you want to do but to hold him and tell him how much you missed him, but you know he is feeling lost and betrayed and the last thing he wants it’s you consoling him after you were the one to hurt him in the first place.

Nodding slightly, you answer his question and he finally allows the tears to fall from his eyes.

He seems to be fighting for the right words and the only thing he can come up with is a soft whisper. “Why?” 

The pain is fresh on his face, the hurt and grief consuming him. “Why didn’t you say anything? We could’ve worked this out together. You just had to tell me.”

His words hit you right to your core and a sob is released from your mouth. “I-I couldn’t– it was so fast I–”

Another sob pierces through your body and Thomas cannot longer pretend he doesn’t want to hold you in his arms. He slowly places his hands on your shoulders, expecting you to disappear as if you were a ghost; but when he feels your warmth he can’t contain himself any longer.

Another sob breaks through him as he brings you to his chest, holding you so tight that you feel the broken pieces of your heart gluing back together. The both of you are a sobbing mess, holding at each other for dear life.

“Father?”

Thomas feels his heart stop at the sound of Pauline’s voice. Her tone is soft and filled with uncertainty. He snaps his head in her direction and there she is. His little girl.

She immediately runs towards him and joins the hug, making him sob harder as he reaches for her and squeezes her in his arms. Oh, how much he had missed his princess. Taking in her scent, he gazes at you and with teary eyes, manages to smile. You feel his hand searching for yours and once he grabs it, he lifts it and places a kiss on it.

“I’m coming with you and I’m never letting anyone take our happiness away from us.”

He sounds sure of himself and his tone is unwavering. If there’s something he knows is that he must get away from Lucille, even if she’s his own blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help me with a comment or a kudo, your feedback keeps me going!


	3. iii. release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi.you write very well! May ask for single Thomas Sharpe like that x reader, in which Lucille says that the reader and his daughter died,, Thomas mourns but realises that his family lives and that destroying them was Lucille’s plan. Excuse me if long. Thank you very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> third and final part! this part has to be my favourite one so i hope you enjoy it!! feedback is highly appreciated as always

Thomas is throwing as many clothes as he can on his trunk. He can’t wait to get out of that house and get away from Lucille.

Guilt fills his soul as he realizes he has failed you as a husband. His wife and daughter were in danger and he didn’t even know. Your weren’t safe, not even in your own house.

Angry at himself, he finishes packing his belongings on the trunk and closes it. His mind is still elsewhere, chastising himself for what happened that he misses the sound of Lucille’s steps entering the room. It’s not until he turns around to leave that he sees her standing in the middle of the room. Her face is stoic and her posture seems stiff although he notices the faint trembling of her hands.

“What do you think you are doing?” Her voice is harsh as she finally addresses him.

Thomas remains silent, his jaw clenching as he tries to control himself. He takes a step forward, eyes not leaving hers in an act of defiance.

“What I should have done years ago, getting away from you.”

The bitterness is clear on his voice and Lucille feels something she hasn’t felt in years, fear. Fear because Thomas wants to leave her side and that only means one thing: he knows.

Her eyes begin to water and Thomas feels sick to his stomach. How dare she? Act as if she is the one suffering.

“Don’t leave me, please.” Tears are now streaming down her face and with a whisper, she begs him to stay.

Thomas clenches his fists, turning his gaze elsewhere not wanting to look at her any longer and Lucille must not have taken it well because a heartbeat later her anguish and pain turned into anger and madness.

With a hiss, she catches his attention again. “I should’ve killed them when I had the chance.”

He can’t believe what he’s hearing, all this time his family had been living with the devil and it took him this long to realize?

“You are a monster, Lucille.” She smiles mockingly at him, her eyes filled with a crazed look. “You make me sick.”

Her smile disappears and she’s growling. “If you dare leave my side I promise I will kill you and then I will kill myself.”

Surprisingly, Thomas feels a sense of calmness fill his body. There’s no way she can hurt him more than she already has.

With glazed eyes, Thomas looks to the window on his side as a single tear runs down his cheek. “You killed me the moment you made my family run away from my side in order to protect themselves.” He pauses, releasing a shaky breath. Then, he turns to look at her again and now his eyes are harsher, hurt and resentment swirling in the sea of his blue eyes. “I don’t care what you do with your life, Lucille. I’m done.”

She feels her jaw go slack and her heart stops as she sees him grab his trunk and leave the room. Falling on her knees, she begins to sob, the pain too great for her body to bear with it.

Her thoughts immediately go into haywire, it’s impossible. He cannot leave her. But he doesn’t care about her and it pains her so badly that she can’t help but scream in anguish.

Her dear Thomas taken away from her because of you.

*     *     *     *

Knocking on the familiar door, Thomas waits.

His gaze falls on the floor as his foot unconsciously taps at it. His fingers are wriggling by his sides and he feels the anxiety creeping up on him. He knows you’re not safe here and it’s a matter of time before Lucille shows herself and kills all of you, this time for real.

A loud screech brings him back and makes him look up from the wooden floor and he meets your eyes. All his worries suddenly fade away and his focus is on you. A smile graces his face and you mirror it, happy to see that your husband is back and well.

Ushering him inside, you lock the door again and turn to face him.

“Looks like things went well.”

The softness in your tone makes Thomas’ heart constrict as he is suddenly aware of what just happened back at Allerdale Hall.

You see him hesitate and your gentle smile turns into one of worry.

“Thomas? Cradling his face in your hands, you lift it until his eyes meet yours. “What happened, love?”

He sighs and closes his eyes, relishing on the feeling of your skin on his. Oh how he had missed your closeness.

“She threatened to kill me–” A gasp leaves your mouth and your heart begins to pound harder. You never thought she would go that far. “–and then she said she would kill herself.”

The serenity you once felt by seeing him back suddenly vanishes at his words. You have always known Lucille’s mind was different, wicked. But if she threatened to kill him that meant that she didn’t want to share him with anyone else, she wanted him to herself.

Bile raises to your throat and Thomas, noticing the change of your state, immediately comes to your rescue.

“Sit here, darling.” He guides you to the nearest chair and kneels before you, searching for your eyes. “I’ll go fetch you a glass of water–”

“No.” Grabbing him by the arm, you stop him from leaving your side. “Stay here, with me.”

He obeys, his eyes still trained on yours. “I’m here.”

Caressing your hair, Thomas watches you until he sees the colour return to your skin. Whispering softly, he tries to catch your attention. “My love.”

You hum softly, acknowledging him. He gives you a sad smile as he keeps combing his fingers through your hair.

“We can’t stay in this place, it’s not safe.”

You have to agree with him on that. Your lives are not the only ones at risk, Pauline’s life on the line too and that’s what matters the most. No one messes with your child.

“Then we should start packing.”

Giving your hand a squeeze, Thomas kisses your forehead and stands up. “I’ll do it darling, you need to rest.”

Shaking your head, you turn down his offer. “We will be gone quicker if I help you pack. I just want to get out of here, to get away from her.”

Thomas understands your desperation and doesn’t argue with you. Helping you up, you make your way to your room. Entering, the first thing he sees is his daughter asleep on the bed. A suden pang on his chest reminds him of what he could’ve lost.

Noticing his stare, you pull him by his hand making him look at you.

“If we want her to be safe we must hurry.”

Casting another glance at Pauline, he’s filled with determination. She looks so peaceful, undisturbed as she sleeps. He had failed her once and he will not fail her again.

Both of you begin to place your belongings on boxes and a couple of trunks you have. Half an hour later you’re done and as you peek at the window you see the sun has begun to set.

Thomas brings your belongings to the carriage he brought from the house and places them on it. Once everything is settled he comes back inside. He sees you holding your daughter on your arms, gently rocking her back and forth. He approaches you and places a hand on your shoulder.

“It’s time.”

Nodding at him, you walk out of the door not bothering to look back. Placing Pauline on your lap, you sit on the carriage and Thomas sits beside you. You look at him, fear and uncertainty in your gaze and he grabs your hand.

“Don’t fret, my love.” Kissing your forehead, he tries to calm you down. “I assure you, I’ll protect the both of you.”

You place a soft kiss on his lips and smile gratefully at him. “I love you Thomas, you have no idea how happy it makes me to have you back with us.”

He can’t help the smile from spreading across his lips and he pecks you on the lips again.

“And I love you, my wife.”

Giving the reins a pull, the carriage moves forward, dragging you and your family to a new start.

*     *     *     *

Opening his eyes, Thomas feels himself go blind as the bright sunlight glows all over his face. Feeling a presence beside him, he pats his hand on the bed searching for your hand and once he feels it relief washes over him.

You’re still here.

Bringing your hand to his lips, he kisses it softly. “Good morning, darling.”

He feels the bed dip and then your hand is caressing his face.

“Morning, Thomas.”

His heart stops and he forces his eyes open. It cannot be.

Sitting on the bed, he turns quickly towards the sound of the voice and his fear comes true. Lucille is staring at him, a wicked smile on her lips. His heart is pounding and he looks around, noticing the details of the room,  _his_  room.

“Get away from me!” He launches away from her while frantically looking at his surroundings. “What am I doing here!? Where is my family!?”

Lucille purses her lips and stands up from the bed. “They are dead.” Stepping closer to him she gives him a fake worried look. “We buried them a few days ago, don’t you remember?”

Thomas feels as if the air has been knocked out from him. “No… no, no, it’s impossible. They are alive!”

She pouts and gives him a look full of pity. “Oh poor Thomas. You must’ve been dreaming, my dear.”

The crazed look returns to her face as an evil smile forms on her lips.

“For you have been here all this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help me with a comment or kudo if you liked it :)

**Author's Note:**

> help me with a comment or a kudo, your feedback keeps me going!


End file.
